Sunday, March 29, 2009

Devin's bad dream


I heard Devin screaming in her room last night. It was the unmistakable "terror" scream. She was calling for me between her screams and I found her standing in the middle of her room, shaking. When I picked her up, she wrapped her pudgy arms around my neck and buried her head in my shoulder. When she was finally calm enough to speak, she told me she dreamed that a tiny bug landed on her hand. This had just happened to her the day before as we were driving to a birthday party. Apparently, the experience was more traumatic for her than I thought. She wanted me to stay with her in her bed for a while and I happily agreed, especially since night feedings and interrupted sleep are distant memories. We climbed into bed and she clutched my arm and pressed her forehead against my shoulder. She was asleep within seconds. I stared at her silhouette and inhaled the scent of her curls and I was happy. I like knowing that when my children are hurt or sick or have a bad dream, just being with Todd or me makes it all better, or at least tolerable. Devin's dream was one of the scariest events she's ever experienced in her three and a half years on this planet, yet as long as she was in Mommy's arms, she would be OK. I hope that a bug dream is the worst any of the girls will ever have to experience, at least for many, many years. Each of my four girls fills a chamber of my heart and if any of them is in any kind of pain, my heart hurts and doesn't beat properly. I wish I could shrink myself and fit into their pockets or ride on their shoulders for the rest of their lives. I want to be there for them when they experience unfamiliar or unnerving situations. I want to whisper in their ears, "it will be OK. We will be here for you." I want to be there when they face challenges. I want to whisper words of encouragement. "You can do it. You can do anything. Just try."
I eventually drifted off to sleep and awoke 4 hours later with Devin still attached to my arm. I slowly slithered out of her bed and back into my own room. When I asked Devin today if she remembered me sleeping in her bed with her, she had absolutely no recollection, but I did. I still do, and I will tomorrow...

2 comments:

Melissa said...

Your entry touched a tender spot in my heart. You are such a good mommy! Who do you call out to in the dark when YOU are scared?

stacey said...

You will always be there in their ears whispering those thoughts because within them you have instilled a strength that can only come from having a mommy like you.